wait but why

Thank you.

If I had to categorize this post, I'd say it's a combination of narcissism, attention-craving and loneliness ;)

what a complete and utter piece of shit article.. I am sorry that your life is so sad but others are proud of what they have and accomplished.

I don't know what Katie and Homer are getting so butthurt about. This author is eloquently stating what everyone else is thinking. Stop looking for attention. Enough with the holiday posts, vacation posts, "got a new job" posts, and anything else that is purely meant to get people to like your status. If we're interested, we'll ask you personally. Be a little more original in your statuses. Post something that people can relate to without making it all about yourself. Make people laugh. A large portion of my statuses are jokes. Maybe you should try it.

Or you could just come over to Google+ where this issue pretty much doesn't exist.

Fair points all around. To answer Unknown's question—it's all about that graph at the top, with the A, B, and C regions. Any status whose goal is to amuse or entertain or inform people—whether or not the goal succeeds—is not annoying. Because the intent was to provide something positive to others. "To amuse or entertain or inform" is a BROAD category. Lots and lots of types of statuses fit the definition.

The reason people end up being annoying is that they mistake Facebook for being a good place to communicate with your close friends and family. They post for those people with no consideration that 95% of the people that will spend a few seconds of their day reading the post are nothing more than acquaintances.

And a post that is meant for 50 close friends and is irrelevant or annoying for the 500+ acquaintances who will also see it isn't a great thing to post on Facebook. The rule of thumb I'd use for posting statuses is to think about what you'd like to share with your acquaintances. If at least 80% of posts are specifically targeted toward your large mass of acquaintances and no more than 20% are targeted toward your close people, you're one of the good guys.

If you don't have interest in creating most of your posts for your large group of acquaintances, Facebook isn't the right place for your posts—try Google+ or a private Facebook group or an email chain.

I think the only thing this article proves is that the person who wrote it is apparently an expert on being a douche on Facebook. You know what they say...takes one to know one. That, or they've missed the whole point of the internet and social networking entirely. Unknown already made the point that if you eliminated all content from Facebook that violated these seven "rules", Facebook would become irrelevant. People don't join Facebook so they can send each other private messages (perhaps grandparents excluded), they join so they can engage in the types of behaviors condemned by this article.

The author seems to do a good job of playing at psychology, but it's just that-playing. If the person who wrote this article actually understood humans or how they function, they'd understand that Facebook is just the newest version of something people have always done, which is to preen in public. What other reason were/are birth, death, wedding and engagement announcements posted in newspapers, where the vast majority of people reading them aren't going to know or care about the people in the announcement? This shit isn't new, it has just evolved with the flow of technology. Before, we had to wait to read the newspaper to find all this stuff out, but we people are all about instant gratification and Facebook provides that. We're all just rats in Skinner's box, and comments on a status update are the little sugar pellets.

The other thing the author fails to mention is that many people are all about keeping up with the Jones'. So when they read that Susie Blahblah is off to Hawaii, they just smirk to themselves while they read the update on the veranda of their McMansion. On their iPhone, of course. I'd recommend the author look up the term schadenfruede, and then maybe they might understand Facebook just that much better. But if they don't like humans behaving like humans ALWAYS HAVE on the internet, they should probably go read a book or something.

God this is awesome.

Then again, if you observe human conversations and interactions it won't take a genius to pick out the brag, the undercover brag, the “I’m In a Great Relationship” brag, those often random cryptic cliffhangers, the literal dimwits, the inexplicably-public private conversationalists, the out-of-nowhere Oscar acceptance speechmakers, those with incredibly obvious opinions and the ones sharing their insights toward enlightenment.

I'm dying to know what the author's status updates look like... Probably falls in the category 'The UP Your Own Arse Goodie Two Shoes'... Yep, they walk among us... beware.

All very valid observations but then again what is it about these status updates that annoy you so much? Maybe a bit of perfectionism? Your way is the right way and if something doesn't fall into this category it's worth being put down and ridiculed? I wonder what your motivations for posting this are.. image crafting... wanting to sound clever and witty... those motivations are basic human motivations which in itself is very interesting. Live and let live though I say, we all share some of the same hidden motivations and needs that sometimes have made us all write stuff that is a bit self seeking or un-interesting in an update, which in my book just tells me we are all humans. Have a good day :)

Also you seem to be angry and a tad jealous about people going on holiday, having great relationships, achieving stuff and having fulfilling social lives. Maybe rather than trying to have people conform to what you think they should do you could spend less time on Facebook and blogging and spend more time to do stuff that you like to do with the people you love so when you read one of the "annoying" bragging facebook updates you can just smile and think of all the interesting stuff you've done and achieved in your real life and be happy that other people are happy about their lives also, maybe that they are a bit needy or looking for validation, but then again we all are.

The point made in the article is not that people shouldn't be themselves and shouldn't enjoy Facebook, it's that people shouldn't be PROFOUNDLY annoying on Facebook. The areas of "insufferability" pointed out above aren't broad, but rather specific kinds of statuses that tend to be specific to Facebook culture.

Traditional human "preening" and self-validation is not the topic at hand here...Facebook is normal human petty interactions on steroids. There's a basic courtesy expected in living human interactions, but from behind a computer screen, any semblance of reasonable social behavior can go out the window.

You seem to be mostly protesting the article's inclusion of item 1A above ("The Brag"), and on that point I don't really disagree. Bragging at least goes back for centuries and while petty is at least honest. But things like the Cryptic Cliffhanger, the Literal Status Update, the Oscar Acceptance Speech, the Public-Private Message, and the Step Toward Enlightenment don't really exist in the real world. They're very specific strange ways people act when they're behind a computer screen, and at least on my Newsfeed, 10% of people commit 90% of the offenses. Those are the people who need to read this article :)

There's a really simple solution, if human beings annoy you so much, get off the social media. I'm actually happy to hear about the personal triumphs of my friends. If you are not maybe the problem lies with you, not them. I *want* to hear about their achievements and see pictures of them on holiday. Sometimes people get a bit carried away but so what? They are your friends so learn to deal with it. If the problem is the number of "acquaintances" then don't add them in the first place.

Funny watching all the people who do all of the things in this article throw a fit in the comments because their feelings were hurt.

Ahh! The always hilarious Person-Using-Social-Media-To-Complain-About-How-Others-Use-Social-Media. Too bad Facebook doesn't have this thing where you could just not look at people's stuff...oh wait, it does!

For better or worse, when friends and I get together in person, we can ALL agree on certain people who have become just impossible to take. And we can all agree on people who make us bust a gut or think deeper thoughts. For instance, we can all agree that George Takei wins at Facebook!

But please, do instagram next?

SPOT on. Just great.

It's not like it's THAT bad to do these things on Facebook, but it's also not THAT bad to talk about yourself constantly at a party or THAT bad to tell stories about your Valentine's Day to that coworker you know is single because some sick part of you likes making them envy you. But let's not pretend that acting this way is GOOD either.

Anyone who is angry after reading this article needs to take a long look in the mirror and ask themselves why.

≈ You like me! You really like me!

I'm always interested in good orange juice, though, and I did want to know more about that banana.

so Facebook is actually supposed to be reddit, check.

I think this boils down to what we think the purpose of Facebook is. The author seems to think of it as a sterile, emotionless online environment full of people whose only wish is to serve his or her royal majesty. Talk about narcissism! We are human, and we live our lives primarily for ourselves (it's a survival thing). So it is only natural that our Facebook activities reflect at least some of that perceived selfishness. I agree that when taken to the extreme, the kinds of posts described can get a bit annoying. But the author isn't giving us any wiggle-room here. Let me give you an example: Lucy broke her wrist. She belongs to a couple of sporting clubs, goes to university and works part-time at a large organisation where she has many friends. She uses Facebook as a quick and easy way of telling her close friends, college friends, sporting friends, colleagues etc. that she'll be out of action for a few weeks:

"Broke my wrist! 6 weeks in lockdown. Boo :("

According to the author, this is attention seeking behaviour, with a little hint of horribly infectious loneliness.

How else could she post this?

"I have broken my wrist and will not be working, attending class, seeing my friends or playing sport for at least 6 weeks. Any comments or messages should be directed to my private inbox."

That's beautiful - and I think, I hope that follows Rule #1 for Facebook posting (interesting/informative). Unfortunately, it's in violation of Rule #2 (funny/amusing/entertaining). I'm afraid Lucy isn't much of a jester!

Let's say Lucy wants to spread some happiness. According to the author, quoting life truths is deemed image crafting, and of course, narcissism. So where else can she find happiness? How about within her own life? Brilliant! Why doesn't she spread some joy by sharing the little things that made her happy today? N-O, says the author. That would just be blatant - you guessed it - narcissism.

As I said, it all comes down to what we want Facebook to be. If you want interesting and informative pieces of news, go to a current affairs website. If you want to be entertained, then YouTube away my friend! But if you want to stay in touch with people you know (regardless of the closeness of your relationship), then Facebook is great for that - but personally, I'd say that those who are only interested in knowing if you are engaged/alive aren't worth knowing at all. Let's not forget, Facebook is made up of humans, who live their own lives but at the same time have feelings and want to be social. Just like in real life. Who would have thought?

The Undercover Brag

"On my walk home from work, I was whistled at twice, honked at twice, and one car almost caused an accident slowing down to stare at me. Sometimes I really hate men. "

Most women aren't bragging about creepers making them feel uncomfortable for no reason other than the fact that they are female. If you're seeing stuff like this, it's because it genuinely upsets them. (And no, it's not a compliment and no they shouldn't learn to just accept it).

You know what this article is best for? Identifying all of the people who take themselves far too seriously. This is a clever and astute critique that articulates what most people I know are thinking. Sorry if you feel "called out."

Bunch of misanthropes.

Ur doing it rong. Don't have 800 "friends" on Facebook. Edit! There is no need to friend everybody and their grandmother. I have nobody on there that I can't stand when they do any of the above, and as much as FB will let me I will try to spare at least some sections of my limited pool of friends when I am being annoying myself. Not that hard.

Screw FB. It's annoying and I deactivated my account. Blather on people...

I personally loved this piece!

This is cutting and hilarious and anyone hating on this should be rushed to the emergency room for a life-saving injection of humour.

Really, this is spot on. Anyone who claims to not get it, or is pissed off by the article either writes shit themselves on Facebook and just doesn't 'understand' that they are one of those people, or knows that they do and are embarrassed that someone has eloquently described their rubbish...

Haha, that felt good to read! I totally agree with you. Granted, I don't leave many status updates, one reason being that the DO go to all "800" friends when I really only want those 10 or 20 to see it. Too bad FB doesn't have a setting for that... or do they and I missed it?

Facebook is high school revisited. Or maybe the sandbox.

Agree. These are on a par with a pro-forma Christmas letter included with a Christmas card.

This was very comforting. Thanks. Now back to work, the lunch with great friends!!!

And the definition of social media and point of Facebook would be, what again . . .?

at least i can still post that I am giving away ice cream sandwiches.

These long glorious days of summer....watermelon raspberries blackberrie diving into the ocean off the boat frozen mango yogurt watching silly movies with my thirteen year old till 2:00am morning geese gulls otters ducks blue heron daughter's sparkling glitter toenails teenage drama soccer son's marathon sleepovers with friends Don's famous barbecue salmon dinners flower garden on the bow of the boat starlight moonrises shoting stars tree frogs cricket song morning runs up the mountain falling asleep to the gentle rocking of waves on the hull......

(Now don't you feel crappy about YOUR life? GOOD!)

Totally brilliant article!

This gives me a great idea for a drinking game:

Assign each of these 7 offenses to party attendees, and then they can only speak in that manner or they have to drink.

I think it would be hilarious trying to craft my words as literal status updates ;) but I think I would have way more fun with the cryptic cliffhangers!

Facebook also actually offers you the option to hide news and statuses from people you don't care about. Make use of it! I tend to think, that people who don't want to know anything about my life or don't want to read my posts will have made use of that option already. So I'm not annoying anyone who doesn't want to read my statuses, but only scribbling down what's going on in my mind to people who give a fuck. So there's a theory of mind that the author obviously didn't take into consideration, which would modify the interpretation of the core motivation.

i don't think you understand facebook at all. fb isn't reddit. it isn't supposed to be about providing interesting and witty reading for other people. fb's intended purpose is to do all of those things you've listed - it's about the poster, not the postees.

i highly recommend you do what many of us did long ago - quit. and perhaps practice what you preach and make your own writing more interesting and witty for your readers - after all, it's not all about you. a curated community like the one you think fb should be would not accept all this whiny sarcasm...or approve of using the full names in the "daniel's" post you've quoted.

ps: you don't have to be "friends" with people whose updates bore you. i don't understand why people don't get this.

I agree with maybe 25% of this article (>inb4 it's a comedic piece). When someone posts something along the lines of "I finally got accepted into med school!" or "Finished my last exam!" that isn't particularly bragging; it could be a sign of relief. Also if they are your friends who are posting these types of statuses then you shouldn't get jealous you should be happy for them.

On the other side, I completely hate the "ugh i hate my life..." statuses, or the vague fb posts. It's so painfully obvious that they want attention.

A simple solution: block all of their posts from showing up on your news feed (don't have to necessarily unfriend them).

Loved it all.
Except, well, that example about the girl being honked and whistled at. I thought at first the author was a woman -for some obscure reason- but after reading that part I was sure it couldn't be. Being honked at on the street is nothing to brag about, being harassed doesn't mean you're very attractive, you get the honking even when you're 13 and ugly...just because you're a girl on the street. A guy who honks at a girl certainly doesn't have high standards, and the whole thing, I can assure you, doesn't come out as a compliment. It's pretty embarassing and humiliating.

It's a way of vaguely knowing how my friends feel without having to fucking call them. I love it.

To the author: If you practically believe that all Facebook statuses are "narcissistic", then delete your account because Facebook was not meant for people like you.
You cannot judge that the motive behind all statuses is narcissism and vanity. Out of the 800+ friends on my FB (Which I actually know and have met in real life (No I am not bragging...SEE I CAUGHT YOU.)) about 5, are actually narcissists and post just to cultivate an image of themselves. So when I see friends posting "I'm going to Italy to study abroad for 3 months!" I take into consideration of the person behind the post...which happens to be a truly humble, optimistic, friendly person - who is HAPPY to be traveling to Italy. I could become one of two things 1) Jealous or 2) Happy. I choose to be happy for that friend. At the same time I am informed and enlightened after reading the exciting post.
To me, it seems as if YOU are a very jealous and judgmental person. I am sorry that Facebook brings you so much strife and pain. I wonder what your statuses look like. Many people post to document, express their feelings etc. I'm sorry that you are so bothered and annoyed by certain, should I say MOST statues. Maybe we should follow your guidelines to better posting as to not offend you. I think you should just focus on YOU and stop judging other people and believing they are all out to promote and worship themselves. I bet you think having a profile pic is NARCISSISTIC. Do you have a profile picture? What AM I asking??!!... you probably don't because you fear others might find you...vain.

I really like that guys status. It made me smile. I got about 10% of the way through your bitching and moaning before I was thoroughly bored. I only receive status updates on facebook from people I know, so I like hearing their happy news. Sounds to me like you are a selfish prick who thinks his friends soul purpose in life is to entertain YOU

I thought the points in this article were totally spot on, and from looking at the comments, what I see is people saying "I LIKE WHEN GOOD THINGS HAPPEN TO MY FRIENDS!"

Did you read the article? The whole point is that EVERYONE likes when good things happen to their friends.

The article labels 7 particular kinds of Facebook posts which are "insufferable." Only one of them is bragging (which is what comment protesters are about) and that one isn't saying that incessant bragging will be annoying to your good friends, it's saying it'll be annoying to the other "96-99%" of your Facebook friends.

Anyone who is that angry about this article didn't read more than 10% of the article. Kudos to the author.

Yeah think this was massively over-egged and self-indulgent (and narcissistic). Could have summed this up in a couple of paragraphs.

But anyway, surely by FAR the worst must be the moronic 'share' status. The incessant "1 share = 1 dollar donated to [child dying of cancer/worthwhile cause/charity etc]" kind of bollocks that everyone seems to believe. Nonsense generated by corporations to sell facebook stock in likes for corporations. I find that people actually believing it and re-posting as a self-righteous do-gooding pander to karma more irritating than the appalling faceless corporate bastards behind them.

Dang, people have some stroooooong feelings about this subject! Have to say, I do a couple of these--quotes, bragging... but overall this made me laugh my ass off. I have started unfollowing people who post pictures of their meals or their morning coffee. Too much.

This is SO STUPID. Most of the stuff this guy was talking about, I DO NOT find annoying, and ACTUALLY ENJOY. It is people who write epically long papers about why annoying FB posts are annoying that makes the majority of us feel annoyed at them. I LIKE knowing that some of my FB friends had a great weekend with some other people, or that they are thinking of something big going on in the world, or that they are feeling particularly grateful for the people and things that surround us; It makes me smile.
Most of (I would hope) find these things cheering, even if they give us only the knowledge that our friend, this living person on the other side of the screen, is still alive, and feeling the need to connect, feel, or in anyway be human.
"that's why insufferable Facebook behavior will never go away—there’s no dislike button or eye-roll button or middle finger button on Facebook" BECAUSE FB IS SUPPOSED TO BE A POSITIVE PLACE TO CONNECT WITH YOUR PEOPLE, WHETHER THEY LIVE NEAR OR FAR, AND REMEMBER THAT WE ARE ALL HUMAN.
And if we have to write cryptically to get the connection we need, then so be it.
The only thing I can find to take positively from this article, is a lesson on how to be a better human; Assume best intent. Remember that we are ALL human. Remember that No Matter how stupid, or annoying, or attention craving a post may be, it is there for a reason, and A PERSON put it there.

"Thinking a status update is supposed to be an actual status update"

It is. If you think otherwise, you're using it wrong. The site that you're looking for is MySpace...

Did anyone else find it ironic that this person decided to denounce Facebook narcissism, which they define as the idea that "the author's thoughts, opinions, and life philosophies matter", on their personal blog? And if posting a status update that's about yourself is narcissistic, what exactly is expecting that other people's status updates be designed either you inform you with brilliant and original insights or make you laugh? You know, because other people's Facebook posts are really just about you...

My thoughts on this were a bit too long for a comment box so I wrote a blog post in response. In short, no. http://stephanieearlygreen.com/facebook-etiquette/

Such a supercilious post! I've seen your type of criticism applied to any innocent activity that gives people some happiness. Grow up. If you don't like people expressing themselves on Facebook, stop reading.

I've identified what you didn't: fret-gloating. People who fret about awesome decisions that take them away from their already awesome lives. The fret-gloat is only complete when the decision turns out to be even more awesome than expected by the friend, even though their friends understood it would. For instance, a friend who lives on a flower farm with white horses fretting over the decision to move to a tropical island for a year later posts about her engagement to an islander and their stellar house and life. Fret-gloating. I'm over it.

To all who are ripping the author and the article:

I think it's a very well written and funny article that does point out many obvious reason people post on Facebook.

Of course most posts are narcissistic, but that's human nature. Of course that's what people do on social media is talk about themselves; what else is there to do on social media? If you don't like it, go away.

You don't have to agree with everything in the article. Even I don't agree with a couple things, but the article is still on-point with the majority of people's FB posts, and points this out in a very detailed and humorous manner.

For example, I don't agree with some parts of "the brag" like when people post pictures (vacation, kids, etc), because some of their their friends and co-workers might enjoy seeing these pictures and updates. I wouldn't consider this gloating, selfish, or narcissistic; just merely keeping people in the loop. If you think about it, it's not much different than someone bringing in physical pictures of their vacation or kids in a physical environment and showing everybody. Nobody is forcing you to look at the pictures. Nobody is forcing you to respond or like.

I almost think the only reason you might be mad after reading this article is maybe because you feel bad for posting for these reasons for all these years.

I totally agree with "cliffhanger" and "banana" examples. They're annoying. But again, it's human nature. People act like this in real life. This article isn't telling anybody to change.

I myself am occasionally guilty of these posts, but I'm okay with it. I like to think I'm over it. I post pics maybe cause I think they're funny, maybe cause I'm bored, or maybe I know 1-2 people will get a good laugh out of a post. This doesn't mean I'm gloating, bragging, or trying to show off. I'll admit, sometimes I feel bad because I wonder if people might get jealous because of my posts; but that thinking alone is narcissistic and I feel like I'm just getting in my own head. I mean, it's just not that serious. If you're on FB, you post, you share, you read. People who don't enjoy it will do something else. It is what it is.

I appreciate the article, and the time and effort put into it. It's right on. For someone to organize people's reasons for posting, and getting it into words; that's awesome.

What I find somewhat fascinating, is that when FB first came out, it was more/less a big free-for-all, with no norms. Today, there are social-networking norms that most people adhere to. For example, I think a couple examples the author may have forgotten are people who go on political or religious rants, and others who want to market and capitalize on FB. I think these users are just uninformed, and don't realize there's other platforms to communicate these views on. Also, FB can be a good marketing tool if used appropriately, and people will seek out information. It's evolving. People will seek it or drop it.

If people don't want to see other people's babies they could get the baby.me app that turns babies into other cool pictures. If people don't want to see people's posts, they have the option to block, unfriend, or simply not log on.

Yes, Facebook does make some people happy, but actually the latest research has shown that FB does the exact opposite, because you look at posts, and it makes you sad because people think about how their life lacks what the other FB users are posting/sharing, which makes them rethink their lives.

That still doesn't make this a bad article, just because it points out some obvious things people do on social media and makes people angry. I enjoyed the read. Don't agree with all of it Some examples are right on. I thought it was hilarious!

The important thing people are overlooking here is......IT'S FACEBOOK. Who cares?????

Funny article. Shared on facebook by those falling into the 'prick' category.

I mostly find this article insufferable. There are some good points, but mostly my impression is, why should I craft my Facebook page for you? My goal isn't to get the most likes for my status. I'm just doing my thing, Guy. Get your fascist Facebook judgments off of me.

THERE IS SO MUCH BUTTHURT IN THESE COMMENTS

If you think this is a bad article, please go kill yourself.

ugh self-righteous social media users are the worst. get off your pedestal.

I have never- not even once- posted a comment on a blog. ever. and I just have to say how brilliant and hilarious this article is. pure and utter genius. those of you with all of the negativity: first, slap yourself in the face. second, go delete that status update that tells us what you cooked for dinner, what glass of wine you have in your hand, how many calories you burned today, and how blessed you are. #noonecares

i don't get annoyed by social media, i don't know, i think i see it as something so trivial that no facebook/twitter status would be annoying enough for me. i guess tags / mentions can be annoying, but facebook statuses are the user's right, he/she can say whatever he/she wants really

While initally amused at this article, I ended up asking, but,,why? Why these rules so that you dont get annoyed? Why create and spread this type of unacceptance. for by publishing it for those to read you have created an intolerance 'disease' - anyone who has read it will now identify those all things you have higlighted and join in your annoyance where they may not have before.
YOU ARE SPREADING INTOLERANCE, which ultimately leads to division and hatred. Well done!

This is pretty amusing, and I agree with the irritation over a lot of these "types" of status updates. Especially the posts that, in reality, a person's mom wouldn't even care about (ie, "going grocery shopping" or "on my lunch break"). But there is a bit of a contradiction between what is being said in the "enlightenment" section and the bragging section--why not post about something you've accomplished? Because that would apparently also be annoying, right? I personally don't mind seeing people post their accomplishments--getting into med school, having a child, completing a marathon--because they ARE accomplishments, major feats in life, major milestones, moments of joy. They're at least POSITIVE. Anything that distracts people or prevents them from whining/pointless updates seems like it's a good thing.
Also, here's a thought: don't have 800 friends, 500 of which don't give a shit about your accomplishments because they barely know you anyway. Why can't the people we're "friends" with also coincide with the people that actually care about us?

*sigh*

Although I agree that some FB updates really take the piss - especially about humblebragging and self promo - it isn't all about YOU (and that goes for the commenters that are 'defending' the writer also).

The real problem is having 800 odd people who don't care if you drop off the planet. You're using Facebook as Twitter or as others have said Reddit...it's not supposed to be a place for meeting random acquaintances you've never met - this is why it asks you 'Have you met this person?' when you add them?

It's supposed to be for close friends, family, people you know well. Yes you CAN use it for everyone including the guy down the coffee shop and the weird stalkerish person and the person you kind of fancy from Timbuktoo, but then don't kvetch about depersonalisation, alienation, pointless updates and not being engaged. Reduce that friends list down to people you give a fuck about, and hey! Problem solved...ie. stop looking to others to solve your own issue with your Facebook group, and posting another Google/sharebait "Why Social Media Sucks!' list.

This is exactly the same post as back in the day people blogged about how Livejournal, Blogger etc. sucked - same issues, same problems, different labels. They also told people to be 'entertaining' and stop posting in their journals like they were a diary (like the 'using a status update like a status update' - that's what they were intended for!) and quite rightly people told them to go fuck off, it's their space and they will do with it what they will, either read it or GTFO. Same applies here. *shrug*

Oh and those who accuse others of doing same, I'm sure you can find me online, you'll notice I do very few of these things, but I'm sure you can find something 'narcissistic' if you look hard enough...LOL.

If you are annoyed by narcissicm to any degree then why are you on facebook yourself?

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The only thing that bugs me about this is the sad truth that most people care more about whether someone is engaged than whether they are doing well at work. Why shouldn't one's friends care about another's day to day life?

I couldn't care less when someone "commits" to yet another future divorce, but I think it's rad when my friends kick ass at work. Most relationships fail, but career is forever.

Things that probably already have been said in the comments, but the narcissist in me can't help giving my opinion. So here it is:

Isn't FB about sharing your life with your friends and relatives?
I don't have 800 facebook "friends", rather 100. Knowing that they are happy makes me happy, not jealous.
Not all of them are close, but I bet that more than 5% of them care about me. And if FB algorithms are working as expected, those who don't care about me will likely not see my status updates as often as those who do.

Your analysis is conditional. If I am truly, truly friends with the poster, then I want to know all about his/her life. Those that are close to me: please post everything.

On the other hand, those that are not, please don't post that stuff--or just a little of it.

To me, annoying are things that are made up--urban legends--and offensive language

HAH! It's funny, because it's so spot-on true. I'm going to immediately tell everyone about this article, and then get some lunch, tell them all about it, then take a nap, wake up and describe the dream I had, then spend an entire afternoon combing the online world for banality which I will point out ON PURPOSE to people who could not, in a trillion years, care any less about it. Ah yes, that's the good stuff.

Totally nonsense.

Amusing post. I think it's important to do a yearly recycle of your facebook 'friends'. I like to keep around 30 friends in total. Made up of real friends and family.
Using this list of annoying status posts would be a good way to sack people.

Posting Proverbs 3:5-6 may be image crafting, but it's the complete opposite of narcissism. Trusting in God rather than yourself... poor choice as an example by the author.

For the most part a pretty comprehensive and funny list.

A few comments on some of the 7 points:

1c) Depends on the relationship. Sometimes one feels obligated to do this from time to time depending on how emotionally needy one's partner is.

4) Parents and social media newbies seem most susceptible to this. I chalk it up to naïveté --i.e. not knowing how to "do" FB--more than narcissism.

5) Does this include the blanket "thank you" post most of us feel somewhat obligated to make the day after receiving a ton of birthday wishes? If so this is more laziness and/or a sense of obligatory politeness than it is narcissism.

7) Totally. Bugs the shit out of me. Canned quotes from the Dalai Lama or are the dryer lint of the internet.

Personally I like seeing my friends' pix so I guess that makes me lame and boring. But it sure beats having them upload to Snapfish or some other "service" where I'm going to have to create yet another goddamned account.

800 friends? NOBODY has 800 TRUE friends. Not even the Dalai Lama. If you have 800 "friends" you have bigger problems than the 7 points on this list. OTOH the assertion that nobody has more than 15-30 people at most who love them is a pretty dark and pessimistic view of life. While it's highly unlikely anyone would have hundreds of people who truly "love" them it really depends on the size of your family, the size and quality of your community, and the number of years you've spent building them.

Yeah, this is why I don't make facebook statuses anymore; for fear of being judged just like this.
Why do other people's facebook statuses have to please YOU? Let people share what they want, it's not their fault you find them annoying.

Oh boo hoo, it must be so hard to scroll past and ignore someone else's facebook status that is slightly displeasing to you.
Why do you have to be so judgemental? Why does it actually matter if other people want attention? Because it's annoying to you? Well you're annoying me.

I have a different view on all of this just the way how Facebook organizes information. I don't post for anyone other than me - I use Facebook as that one point where all the crap I go through gets collected so I can check it some later time. I post a lot of articles etc, but I actually haven't read any of them since I'll get to that when I have more time.

Now when it comes to status messages and photos - FB has a great way (especially when you tag the photo locations) or mapping all those little photos and status messages to a certain location on the map ("Places"). Now, when one tries to live a pretty adventurous life (living in another country etc), you tend to gather a lot of these tidbits of photos, status messages and whatnot. So over the years, you tend to build a pretty detailed picture of your timescale.

Now, obviously stuff gets forgotten by whoever uses Facebook - even stuff from 2 years ago is almost ancient history, especially if you experience a lot. Back home, I have big wall in one room that has a massive world map tapestry in it, printing one with the the size and detail required wasn't a small task. On this tapestry, I transfer the key things out of whatever location I've visited or experienced and it's all based on whatever pictures etc I post in facebook.

I don't use Facebook to brag or compare lives or any of that crap - everyone needs to find their own happiness. I use Facebook to build that wall so we have a visual timeline in our house for our family, especially our daughter since she probably doesn't remember any of this stuff when she grows older.

So especially that all encompassing "What a wonderful year this was" -post... I do that every year, have done ever since Facebook was launched. It just helps me sum up the year and what was special about it, so when we do the wall updating (The real wall!), this is the first point of contact to go to.

Obviously, what's written in the article is only the writer's point of view - but to me it feels a bit glass-half-empty -thinking that if people describe their life via FB and it seems very adventurous or exciting, that those people are automatically some kind of major assholes. In that case, maybe a break from FB might be in order :)

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I have a hard time taking seriously the criticisms of a writer who goes into great detail about how selfish and vain others' Facebook posts are, when his core reasoning for criticizing these statuses is "the things you say on your OWN facebook should be more beneficial to ME ME ME than to yourself." That's actually pretty self-centered and bitter in its own right. Other people's success makes me happy for them, not angry. And if they're post-bragging to benefit themselves, then it's sad that all the wonderful things in their life aren't uplifting on their own, and I hope they learn to get past that.

For those people whose posts DO frequently bother me, I either hide their posts or--if it's especially terrible--unfriend them. I don't passive-aggressively quote their post and tear it apart ad nauseum like a bitter high school cheerleader.

Then again, that's just me.

I would like to apologize for everyone's behavior. It was a funny article, and some people just need to lighten up.

There may be something else at work here. I sometimes feel that many people, faced with many choices, pick one communication tool and use it for everything. There's a lot of stuff that shouldn't go out by Facebook, but then there's a lot of stuff that shouldn't go out by email, or one's blog, or whatever.

That said, this article is probably why I hardly ever do anything on Facebook. FB seems to be composed primarily of stuff that no one cares about, except for those who would already know. If there's something about my life that comparative strangers would really want to know, it's probably on the news, told better than I could tell it.

Anybody who spends this much effort being bothered by some innocuous posts on social media really needs to rethink their priorities, perhaps visit a therapist to get rid of that nagging sense of self-loathing and insecurity. Yeah I don't care if it's supposed to be funny, but look at this poor guy, he puts so much thought into it, it's clearly true for him on some level.

I'm going to re-post this so that my friends think I'm smart and knowledgable. Wait... isn't being smart and knowledgable really the same thing?

This article is complete GENIUS! I wish I wrote it because it perfectly explains exactly what I find so objectionable about so many FB posts. And obviously the people who are commenting that they hate this post are seeing a liiiittttle too much of themselves here. You rock!

Love the article. Afraid sharing it might constitute image crafting.

I'm confused now...I am still special...right?

What about random song lyrics posts? Would those be in the "The Step Toward Enlightenment" category? Its definitely narcissistic, because Daniel thinks his taste in music, or art, is more profound, and he can see the "deeper" meaning of the lyrics that no one else can. Personally, those posts annoy me the most.

PS. This is an amazing article. Loved every bit of it, and I think we share the same opinion of the topic. And I might have found myself in some of those categories... oops.

I will now be sharing my opinion of cake and the weird smelling lockers at the gym more often, perhaps directly to your FB page, so I can continue to feed your twice weekly "cry for attention" "Look how clever and sarcastic I am! LOOOOOK!" blogging habit.
Also, good luck in N Korea. Thanks for posting the announcement of that super awesome trip that we can't wait to hear about!

Was a good until last point which could arguably be part of region C and put you in category 8

8) Negative dick head

interesting article. great point that people sometimes seem to have less and less awareness of the relevance of their postings to their audience...unfortunately there seems to be a trend now also of facebook like behavior spreading to other forms of communication (mass texts sharing pictures of cute things or asking for opinions about trivial things like what color socks to buy, or emails with no subject and no text, only containing a link to an article) How ironic that with the advent of so many social media tools that people's ability to communicate seems to be degenerating...

apparently, many people are not aware that they can categorize their Facebook friends as how they can categorize their friends and acquaintance. *rolls eyes*

rule of categorizing:
1. make sure your boss and parents are separate category from your friends
2. make sure you can make the right people suffer from your posts
3. make sure your working mate cannot see your blunders

image crafting is important for career.

you're full of shit

Holy shit! Does anyone actually read all this stuff?

lol, this is excellent!

talking to God or dead people falls into #4?

I find soooo annoying people saying happy birthday or hi to dead relatives/friends.

WHYYYYY!!??? like they had FB...

Stop using FB. Problem solved.

The only status updates I post are contests.

And usually only visible to my family.

Ironic the article is unfinishable. I'm totally with the dude on the first 'horrendous' post. Good for him.

I thought this was great. The author left out a very special kind of annoying status update that I believe falls into category #6: the "RIP (insert name of celebrity who just died)"

The thing you read over and over that made you rage? It wasn't for you! It was for the people named in the post! It was to tell his girl he loved her and his friends he had a great time with them that year. That's a post that you post to be like "hey friends, I care about you and value your time!" so of course some random chucklefuck who isn't invested in your personal life at all since you're a stranger wouldn't give a shit.

But let's tear this bullshit down further..

1, the brag: you use another example wherein the posters friends are tagged. As I said above, the post is for them as a group - they're sharing a memorable moment, and even if it is "braggy" who doesn't like seeing that their friends are having a good time? Jerks. That's who. OP is a jerk. 1b, one of the examples used is going on a trip and asking if anyone knows someone who wants to rent their place while they're gone. That is a legitimate request. Chances are, this persons friends already know their friend has this place, so it's not bragging to say it exists for rent. It's also safe to assume that friends are already aware of the trips their buddy takes if they are taken often enough. 1c, ok, that does get irritating, but everyone is that irritating when they've just been bitten by the love bug, irl and online. Maybe you're incapable of love or friendship? That would explain this post.

I'll agree that 2, the cliffhanger, is just the op begging for attention, and that it's annoying, but the kind of people that post those are doing it on purpose as a call for help. Usually when someone posts things like that, they mean "I need comfort, please send kind words" and a real friend would understand that, take the bait and ask what happened, and offer a shoulder to cry on or services as an assassin.

3, literal statuses, can be for two things: 1, sharing with friends who, one can assume by virtue of their friendship, give a shit about your life, and 2, letting them know where you are. 2 is important here since it can serve both as an invitation to meet up if you'll be nearby, or as a warning that you'll be busy so contacting you during that period will probably fail. Friend stuff. Sure, it's not important to know the whereabouts of some stranger, but as I said, these posts are for FRIENDS.

I'm sad this didn't mention those status updates that friends post that basically say "There's no way your life could suck more than mine. PITY ME NOW!!"

From Facebook's Login page:

"Facebook helps you CONNECT and SHARE with the people in your life." (emphasis: mine)

It's interesting how people who hate/disagree with the article are automatically called out as narcissists, and the poster is immediately labeled bitter and selfish (though I admit that I have a hard time seeing the "joke" part in the tone of his writing, especially after reading his own comment on the post). I think we have all fallen to our own form of narcissism by forgetting that Facebook was made for EVERYONE to "connect and share" (not inappropriate or spam content, of course) and thinking that we have the right to tell others what they can and cannot share and with whom (again, barring the inappropriate or spam). It's narcissistic to push our individual opinions of what is and isn't annoying on everyone else. We're all annoyed by different things. Yes, people can be annoying on Facebook. I'd rather someone be annoying in a place where I can ignore them rather than face-to-face.

This entire article is based on the assumption that your friends on facebook are no actual friends but mere acquaintances. Maybe only allow people to see your posts that are involved in your life and refer all the others to your linkedin account.
Alexandra

Very interesting analysis in that article !

However, having a social existence always require image crafting and attention craving. And lets be honest, you often need a bit of narcissism and jealousy inducing to attract people attention.

But you're entirely true. It's all about having the good public, as you should be doing those things for the right people, the one surrounding and caring. Certainly not your 800 friends.

Thanks for the funny reading. See, that was from a good "Region B" Facebook post .. ; )

There's a lot being said in the article and in the comments. So of course I want to share an opinion as well :) I think the reasons listed in the article and everything else in article, and in the comments, is why Facebook exists. There's no "right" way to use Facebook and well we get what we get. If you actually know the people who you're friends with on Facebook, are you really all that surprised by what they're posting?

All photos are insufferable? This is the point where I stopped reading this article, and started seeing this author as someone who should delete his or her profile.

The author breaks it down and tells it like it is...thank you for making me realize humans aren't perfectly informative or funny all the time because being interesting all the time is what makes life interesting right?

I feel like hundreds of people missed the point of the article and overreacted. I knew the point of this before I even got to:

"The bigger point here is that the qualities of annoying statuses are normal human qualities—everyone needs to brag to someone here and there, everyone has moments of weakness when they need attention or feel lonely, and everyone has some downright ugly qualities that are gonna come out at one time or another."

Relax. Laugh a little.

Its funny but whatever one comments on your article can also be interpreted as someone trying to be wise/funny/self important etc etc.:), but I really loved this article, it expresses most of what I feel about fb. one thing I was thinking of was, when you mention the wisdom quote point, that people think they are making some amazingly wise point, it really really annoys me when they copy paste someone else s spoken or written words as their own and never bother to reference it. really really annoys me. one-we didn't need to know your personal favorite quote/words every single day and even if you do subject us to it, please atleast do the courtesy of quoting the source, you have other people liking your status as if it were born out of your own 'creative' mind!not done!!!

Facebook is the way to open ours thoughts about what are some of the daily things we do ,want to do ,think about ,and also is the space where people can ask each other to be friend .Facebook is the part of our life ,it keeps us in touch with our friends ,by seeing what they do or plan to do .

I think the author of this blog post did a brilliant job codifying just about everything that has driven me from Facebook. What a huge pile of narcissistic, egomaniacal, boring wank the whole thing is...

"Secondly—you know what inspires people? You achieving something incredible and letting it be an example and inspiration to others."

But don't post about it-- that's narcissistic!

The author has confused Facebook with LinkedIn or the New York Times perhaps. Facebook is an online school hallway or workplace water cooler. Everything this ass complains about is EXACTLY what Facebook is for.

Don't like it? Then stop friending people you don't give a fuck about, idiot.

I may agree with you, but isn't the above what Facebook is truly all about?

Somehow I just recall one weibo posted by Wang Xiaochuan Monday, CEO of Sougou, which was really ambiguous, yet got hundreds "Like". What really matters is who you are or who is reading.

The most ironic thing about this post? People are posting it on Facebook. So the butthurt author is getting attention through the social media outlet he/she claims to hate. Bless their heart.

Lots of people seem a bit, uh, butt-hurt by this. It's like they've been called out on participating in the whole ridiculous Facebook affair and the 90% of it that is essentially about acting like you're in Middle School. Which is kind of funny.

Funny, because it's all true.

But at the same time, it can say a lot about the "receiving end" of the behavior described.

[brag?]I myself am usually happy when someone on my FB (all of whom I know in person) says they finished their thesis, or their child did something cute, or they are going on a cool trip, or whatever.[/brag]

Are you annoyed because one of your friends is doing well or is happy? Hm, interesting...

OK, they might be faking the happiness, image crafting or whatnot. Well, their problem. If they tell me their life is awesome, I will believe them, think "good for you", and go on with my life.

The inspirational ones are a bit annoying to me, so I just ignore them -- unless they are ironical/parody/sarcastic/all of the above. After two or three words one already knows to skip, right? (which might make you unjustly skip a parody one, but one usually knows which friends will commit each, so that's all good)

This article is amazing! Hilarious AND truthful. All of you people who disagree with it are probably guilty of at least 6 of these 7 offenses.

Okay.
A: This post is a HUGE Number 7. Yes, the sun IS bright! The target audience knows it, and only the dull-blades among them will be thankful to the author for pointing it out.
B: That opening "email from a friend" is a GIGANTIC Number 1B. Okay, so you're young and happening and you live in New York and your pals are pals with pals who hang with Owen Wilson and go to $600-a-plate Democratic fundraisers.
C: So yeah, this post is a hideous example of most of the shit for which the author is feigning worldly contempt.
Thanks for nothing.

I managed to get through this article despite the salty language.

Most of the things you dislike about your friends' posts are the very things that I want to know.

This paragraph says it all: (quote) > "People who don’t love you don’t care about you or your day or your life that much, they’re probably not especially rooting for you, and they certainly want nothing to do with your worst qualities. And you doing something purely to serve your emotional or egotistical needs really should not show up on their computer screen—it just shouldn’t." (end quote)

If you don't love someone and don't care about him, then why did you become his "friend"? When I submit a friend request to someone, it is precisely because I do care about that person, and I am interested in what she is doing and thinking about. And I expect that anyone who sends me a friend request feels that way about me.

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Infrequent infractions of these rules and ambiguous motives/intentions are more easily forgiven if such Facebook users spend more than 50% of their time of Facebook giving likes and comments to the best posts.

it's an opinion piece and totally subjective. everyone stop crying and stop taking social media so seriously. IT'S NOT REAL LIFE. that's why it's funny.

tl;dr

made me ponder.... Are all of our actions motivated by our selfish nature?

OMG, that was hilarious. I laughed out loud! Ok, that was image crafting.. I didn't laugh at all... but I did inwardly. I'm a happy person...

i like it. especially the idea of an roll button or f you button.

although callus and negative i could see some positive strokes to guide those who dont know.

But i id enjoy the fact that i am one of those doing all 7 in my total relationship with FB.

I have stepped away from FB for a time and it was the best thing ever. my life got better LOL.

the greatest part of this article the comment on human nature and a sign of our desperate

culture which is socializing narcissistic behavior as normal. Cultivating great content and

should be some good rules on how to for those need it.

thank you

Well maybe Facebook is about the author and not the reader - have you thought about that?

You missed out one of the biggest - checking in at international airports. Why oh why would anyone do that! (why would anyone check in anywhere???)

Just to be clear, the only acceptable (or not 'insufferable') Facebook post is one that serves YOU, amuses YOU or educates YOU?

Well if that 'aint narcissistic, I don't know what is.

For me, an insufferable Facebook post is one that links to a negative and ignorant blog post like this one.

I totally agree with the author.
I don't post all that crap, ever! I use facebook to post a few pics of me and chat up chicks (using the messenger) so I can shag them. There you go, this is the truth plain and simple, and I bet a lot do exactly the same.
I don't even read people's status, I only look for hot bikini pictures and location updates so I know where I can go "randomly" meet them.
If I want to share with my family I upload albums on picasa.

Fantastic article, I think that he's dipped into most of the selfish type attributes that Facebook users bring about on the website - these come typically from a selfish human gene that we all carry. Some of of us treat this gene lightly and others banish the thought of it completely. Personally I think this article is a good code to follow for people to start realising that life should be more about living ones life for others, and putting others first, caring and asking how their day was and how their life is going rather than blatantly over advertising our own ego's and trying to drill perceptions into other peoples heads that mean nothing to anyone else other than themselves.

Best way never to offend anyone--never post anything.

The biggest puzzle here is the fact that people can actually contrive to be annoyed by a social website in which have the choice of participating. Clearly everyone is annoyed at themselves for being doofus enough to waste their lives online.
If using Facebook for its intended purpose annoys you, then stop using it.

Just so all you new mothers know, nobody but you and your mother give a flying fuck about your baby. It's in the green zone. We don't need to be bombarded with pictures of your childs first shit, first vomit, first wank, first whatever.
Your child is not the most amazing little snookywooky or whatever the hell nauseating crap you want to call it. It's one of millions of other snotty little shit factories the rest of us only care about when it's being too noisy.

Lotta people butthurt about being called out for their annoying Facebook habits. It is funny because there is an element of truth in it...